Updated: Oct 14, 2018
By Courtney Graham
My life feels very, very full.
A working mom with three small kids (ages 4, 2, and 1) whose husband is planting a church in a location where going to church is not the cultural norm. And when I say working mom, I mean working mom. I am incredibly fortunate that I find deep meaning in my work, and I get to work at a company that I love, with people that I love. We are not a traditional start up, but we have a start-up mentality - which I find myself thriving in. But if you have ever been involved in a start up you know the amount of work and mental energy that goes into it.
My children bring me immense joy. They are at the sweetest ages, I really just want to press pause. For the last four years we have had nothing but babies in our house. Lots of babies, to which I am beyond grateful for. But it’s a lot. Three kids transitions you to zone defense. I am really good at carrying two babies at once but haven’t quite figured out how to carry three at once. Maybe add one on a piggy back? I couldn’t do what I do without my husband, our Nanny, our parents, and friends. But I know my kids need their mom, each in a unique way, and it can really tug on my heart.
And to top it all off, we are planting a church. We are praying for a vibrant community that intimately reflects the heart of Jesus. A community that is joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer (Romans 12:12). We have been at it for eight months and it has been one windy rollercoaster, but with a central compass if you know what I mean.
At times it can seem incredibly overwhelming and I find myself thinking, “How on earth am I going to make all of this work?”
There is this myth people have created called “work-life balance.” And in theory I really love the concept, the idea of it, but have a really hard time executing in this stage of my life.
Alternatively, I heard this quote a couple years ago that really resonated with me, “Life is not about balance, it is about obedience.”
Not balance, but obedience.
I am striving for a life of obedience. A life obedient to Jesus Christ. Now that might sound suffocating to some, but in fact it is quite the opposite. Through obedience I have found so much freedom. So much peace. Completely surrendering and trusting in Christ takes all of the pressure off me to figure it out. To figure out a way to make it all work.
As I am sitting here, it’s a wild Friday night - working and writing, I was reminded of a lyric by Upperroom which says, “It may look like I’m surrounded but I’m surrounded by you.” Man, how I can relate to that right now. Sometimes it feels like the walls are caving in, life is moving way too fast and I can’t keep up, and then it washes away just as quickly as it comes.
And you know what fills my heart? A fullness that is almost indescribable. Not a fullness of one million things to do, of busyness, but a fullness of calmness, peacefulness, joyfulness, contentment, hope. A fullness bubbling over with love and gratitude. Love for our Savior and gratitude that he will walk alongside me, surround me, and carry me through this messy, beautiful season.
If you are curious what a full life with Christ could look like for you, I encourage you to click here to learn more about Ecclesia's Info Night on September 16th as we explore the question, "What does a full life look like?"